


Missing Scene from STV

by mithrel



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Blanket Permission, Gen, Missing Scene, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-23
Updated: 2009-05-23
Packaged: 2017-10-30 08:06:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/329620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McCoy talks to Spock about Sybok.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing Scene from STV

McCoy wandered into the observation lounge, to find Spock standing at the window.

He stopped, awkwardly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“You are not intruding, Doctor.”

McCoy paused, then asked something he’d been wanting to ever since he found out about Sybok. “Spock, why didn’t you ever tell me you had a brother?”

“As I said, Dr, McCoy, I did not wish to discuss personal matters.”

“Do you want to discuss it now?” Emotionless or not, he was sure Vulcans needed to grieve, just like anyone else.

“No,” Spock said flatly.

McCoy took him at his word. “Well, I’ll leave you to meditate, or whatever.”

He headed for the doors of the lounge, but Spock’s “Doctor,” stopped him. He turned around. Spock was staring out the window, refusing to look at him.

“Sybok and I were…very close. For years he was the only friend I had.”

McCoy started to say something, then thought better of it. It couldn’t be easy for Spock to say this.

“I admired him very much, and strove to emulate him. When he was exiled…” Spock trailed off.

“I understand.”

For the first time, Spock turned to look at him. “No, Dr. McCoy, you do not.” He paused, seeming to gather his thoughts, then continued. “Vulcan emotions are very strong. It is why we must make such effort to control them. For a Vulcan to willingly embrace his emotions is nothing short of blasphemy.”

“Spock–”

“When Sybok was exiled, all were forbidden to speak of him,” Spock cut him off. “It was as if he never existed.”

“Which is why you didn’t tell us.”

“No.” Spock’s voice was quiet, and he turned away. “I did not tell you because I was angry and ashamed.”

McCoy stared at him, flabbergasted. Finally he managed, “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Spock. You had no control over Sybok’s choices.”

“Nevertheless.”

“That doesn’t sound very logical.” He wanted to call back the words as soon as he said them, but Spock didn’t take offense.

“No. It is not.”

“Why were you angry?”

Spock hesitated, then admitted. “As I said, Vulcan emotions are very strong. It would be dangerous if we were to express them. I had to learn to master my Vulcan emotions, as well as my human inclination to express them.”

McCoy almost swallowed his tongue. Spock was the most emotionally unexpressive person he’d ever met.

“I have struggled with it all my life. Sybok was a full Vulcan. He did not have to deal with human emotions. Yet he chose to embrace his emotions rather than suppressing them.”

McCoy suddenly understood. “You were jealous, that he didn’t have to work as hard as you did to suppress his emotions, and angry that he threw away what you’ve wanted all your life. Not to mention you probably felt personally betrayed.”

Spock said nothing, but McCoy knew him well enough to know he was right.

“Do you understand now, why I always refused to express my emotions, despite your provocation?”

McCoy flashed to the memory he’d seen, of Sarek holding his son, then rejecting him. The pain of his father’s death had returned, and he was sure Spock’s had as well. To have to deal with that rejection all his life... “I understand. And I’m sorry.”

Spock looked at him inquiringly. “For what, Doctor?”

“For pressuring you. And I’m sorry about Sybok.”

Spock nodded. “Apology accepted, Doctor.”

The silence between them stretched, and finally McCoy coughed, and said, “Well, if you ever want to talk…”

Spock nodded again. “Thank you, Doctor.”

McCoy nodded back at him and left the lounge, lost in thought.


End file.
